My Miracle of a Vacation, Part 2

Note: For the first part of Kim’s blog post, click here. We revisit Kim as the family prepares to climb a mountain, the "straw of (her) mental back."

The plan was to hike up their mountain to the lake for a campfire meal and swim, and, we—and by we I mean me and the old folk—were to go by tractor. One at a time. While everyone else, including my 70-something year old mother and 5-year-old niece…. climbed.

This is the part of “The Edgrens Take on Norway” where Kim had a little breakdown—silently, in my head, but a breakdown nonetheless. I wanted to be that cool 46-year-old who hikes, not the lame cardiac chick who has to get a ride! I protested but after one look at my wife and mother—the look that pleaded “save us the worry!”—I climbed in.

And, if I’m being honest, I knew I couldn’t do it. We were eight days in, jet-lagged, and had walked countless miles. Anyone would be fatigued, not just a 46-year-old with CHD. We were over an hour away from a medical facility that could perform an X-ray, let alone house a cardiologist experienced with CHD—there was no need to be a stupid.

So, up I went in the old tractor with 14-year-old Ole, he with his limited English and me with my non-existent Norwegian, and yet—we managed to learn a little about each other. We had a conversation that may not have taken place had we not been trapped in a little cabin on a bumpy trail. And after drop off, I got to “hike” over to meet the family, taking in a beautiful stone bridge and mountain views.

I took my time and had a little chat with myself, when really what I wanted to do was be really, really angry at someone. Anyone. I was not ready to join the ranks of the folks 20+ years my senior or give in to my heart’s failures because, mostly, I want to be on this mountain 20+ years from now just like my parents, enjoying my girls and their families. I didn’t want to be tired, cranky, or told to take it easy by one more person and I thought, if this is where I am now, how am I ever going to make it later?

I gave myself a talking to, took a deep breath of mountain air, and joined the group. By day’s end, after a wonderful cookout, a swim in the cool mountain-top lake and the company of family, I reached peace and acceptance. OK… maybe the acceptance came after I hiked down the mountain!

In the end, my heart still beat; I was breathing the mountain air, and had the company of my girls and my family to enjoy such a wonderful experience. So I can’t do it all anymore—I can still do most of it. And that was far more than I could ever have imagined a year ago. Acceptance is hard. My health is changing, and even when anticipated it’s no easier. Wasting what little time I have lamenting is just that—a waste—and I am not willing to do that. So, time to plan the Edgren’s next wild adventure—even if I experience it from the bottom of the stairs and the inside of a tractor.