How Do You Carry Your Burdens?

One of the things that I have enjoyed about writing for this blog is reflecting on what I have had to say, especially since it is often current to what is going on in my life at the moment. Reflecting on the posts is like reviewing my life and seeing how quickly things can change from one point to another. My last post ended with my realization that changes with my health will happen and sometimes, that sucks.

The strange thing in the last month since heading into the cardiologist is that I have felt good physically. I am exercising a little more, eating a little better, and dare I say—back to my busy, crazy self.

Now mentally, that is a different story. There is a weight, a monkey on my back, so they say. Some days it’s a bit heavier than others, but there nonetheless. And I think that what I have realized is that although this defect of mine has been with me from day one, the effects are getting really old, no pun intended.

I don’t want to worry about it anymore; I don’t want to think every little extra beat or tired day means some pending cardiac doom! I want to just deal with all the other life crap without that huge “chronic condition” looming over my head. Just give me a bad day at work or argument with my spouse and go to bed that night with just that—and not all the other little worries like, will I still be heart healthy next year or live to see my last kid graduate high school?

Now before my mom reads this and thinks I am going to jump off a bridge, I am still at my core a glass-half-full kind of girl. And for this entire burden to bear stuff, I know that I am one lucky girl to be 45 years old with my mended heart having a mini-crisis over it. And most days I see that.

But, some days I don’t. And that is when I realize that while my burden is my heart, others have to carry their own monkey. My very good friend was diagnosed with breast cancer over five years ago; she is cancer-free, but I am sure not a day goes by where she doesn’t carry that monkey. My burden is no greater than hers; I even have more experience carrying it. And there are so many other burdens people have to carry that I know I am not alone on this road.

This brings me to my very first blog post: “If we can’t live together, we are going to die alone.” It has been a tough month for me—but as with every moment in my life, it is the people around me who get me through. A family I would choose and friends I can’t live without keep me going. And in the end, I never feel like I have to carry anything alone.